Revisited photos from almost ten years ago.. actually cringing at how OFF I was, I wna cry. I am the ugliest child.
I see other people’s pictures from the same year, and I still think their clothes looked good, pretty decent, acceptable. I have no idea where my style inspirations came from because I really really did care about the way I looked, but still looked like that.
I kept thinking, why didn’t anyone tell me my clothes were ugly, and tell me my behaviour was wildly unacceptable. My hair, MY HAIR. WHY. I THOUGHT IT LOOKED SO GOOD.
And then I remembered.. People did tell me, I just didn’t care.
I was so off in my own little world where my entirety made sense and I was so happy with myself. My own judgement was the only one that mattered.
I remember I always wondered why I didn’t have as many friends as other people, why I’m never in the huge cliques with the locker pow-wows, or why no boys ever chased me. My mindset was that people didn’t care about what you wore or what you looked like. What I wore was my business, and I didn’t see how that could have changed anyone’s perception of how well I could hold a conversation. They’re just clothes. That was actually what I thought. I never preached that mindset, or forced myself to believe it.
people should not brag that they are “lucky to be in love with their best friend” when they’ve only become best friends after they started dating. its cool when you start to date your best friend, but.. if you’re in a relationship and dont eventually elevate your SO to BFFL status anyway, its a problem.
what i mean is, your SO is of course going to be one of your best friends. you are not “lucky”. you are not a special “lucky” couple, get over it.
Today, I walked to the bus stop with an umbrella out like a little old asian lady. It was super sunny, and I had no hat. I used to criticize people who did so ‘cause it looked so silly (I’m not alone). But if you bring light to the phenomena of 40-year-old asian ladies looking like they’re 20.. its justified. They’re doing something right.
I put my peanut mm’s in the farthest corner of my room so they’re less accessible and I wouldn’t devour them too quickly. But now when I huddle over them in the little corner stuffing my face, I imagine the whole picture to look like a shameful hopeless drug addict in an alley.
“When you feel happy, really happy, it somehow seems that you’ve always been happy and that you’ll always be happy. The same is often true when you feel sad, or lonely, or depressed, or broke, or sick, or scared. Something, perhaps, to remember.”—