Revisited photos from almost ten years ago.. actually cringing at how OFF I was, I wna cry. I am the ugliest child.
I see other people’s pictures from the same year, and I still think their clothes looked good, pretty decent, acceptable. I have no idea where my style inspirations came from because I really really did care about the way I looked, but still looked like that.
I kept thinking, why didn’t anyone tell me my clothes were ugly, and tell me my behaviour was wildly unacceptable. My hair, MY HAIR. WHY. I THOUGHT IT LOOKED SO GOOD.
And then I remembered.. People did tell me, I just didn’t care.
I was so off in my own little world where my entirety made sense and I was so happy with myself. My own judgement was the only one that mattered.
I remember I always wondered why I didn’t have as many friends as other people, why I’m never in the huge cliques with the locker pow-wows, or why no boys ever chased me. My mindset was that people didn’t care about what you wore or what you looked like. What I wore was my business, and I didn’t see how that could have changed anyone’s perception of how well I could hold a conversation. They’re just clothes. That was actually what I thought. I never preached that mindset, or forced myself to believe it.
I just thought that was what life was like.